Baby: Overwhelmed R We

Anyone reading this --- it's not a registry.

My wife and I traded freakouts last night. We R going to be in/around Atlanta for the holidays, which is the only time we'll be around there before the baby arrives, and the only time for showers and such to take place. It's fantastic and so kind of friends and family to want to do this. Even though it's too early to be carting a lot of stuff around, we felt we should start a registry or something or at least start investigating the world of baby supplies. Friday, we went to Babies R Us after finding one about 40 minutes from our place. Mistake?

If you've never been in one, let me share. As we walked through the door, we were immediately greeted by a massive registry desk with about 10 chairs seated around multiple computer stations. Is there a "rush"/season for babies? We discussed before we went in that we didn't want to sit through a big sales pitch, so I stood while Corrin sat down to fill out the form. The lady asked if we were in a hurry. "Absolutely." The short version still took her 7 minutes, complete with a Babies R Us credit card pitch. "Just think of those 10% off coupons!" Ooooooooooooh. Then the manager has to come by and stumble through the same credit card pitch, even suggesting that people who buy something from our registry should be encouraged to sign up for the credit card and get 10% off the purchase. "Thanks, we'll be SURE to pass that along to all our financially ignorant friends and family."

Set scanners for stunned.
There we were, adrift in the sea of baby merchandise. With the constant reminders of unsafe manufacturing practices in China, not to mention their militaristic regime and penchant for screwing things up in the world, we do know that we'd like to avoid the "Made in China" label. What kind of bottles? Don't know, need to research. What kind of pacifier? Silicon vs. Latex. Silicon. Great, which ones? Classic Gerber - made in China. No thanks. Never heard of this brand - Made in Germany. We have a winner. Why is everything pastel? Diaper Genie II vs. Diaper Genie vs. Diaper Champ? Research. Fold up placemat thing. Sure. Washcloths - China. Onesies - China. I'm still not sure what a "onesie" is.

And then, the car seats, strollers and swings. Holy mackerel. 25 options each. Where do you start? I'm not sitting in it and I have to have one before I have a baby to put in it, so I can't even test the heft. How can I possibly differentiate? Infant seat vs. Convertible. Removable car seat bucket thing vs. Stay-in-car. Drop seat in stroller vs. Stand alone stroller. Some of those strollers R tanks the size of my kitchen. Where would I put that? How do they break down? Slide here, push there, lift this while depressing that and BANG--it's just that easy.

We know we want a baby pack thing. Hey, we can try those on! Where do you unclip the...tighten the...strap the...unhook the...snap the... Yes! I have achieved full pack-readiness! However, my pack is empty. Now, how do I know what it feels like to have an 8-20 pound sack of my progeny in there? Hmmm...you could just pull down on it. ummm...Ok.

YOU MUST HAVE A THEME FOR YOUR KID's ROOM!!! We don't even have a room yet! Blankets - China. Wraps - China. Hats - China. Sheets - China. Booties - China. Wooden freakin' blocks - China! Play mats - China. Now I picture China as a vast, very brightly colored, animal (possibly aquatic) themed play set. How can they possibly make everything, especially in a country full of so many cool things to play with?

The freakout. So, believe it or not, we weren't even freaked out at that point. We were so not freaked out, that we were able to go into a store where I could try on shoes and BUY them. Some of you know how difficult this is for me. Maybe it was an effort on my part to do something certain. My wife was there for the critical fashion eye. She brought me the candidates. "I like these. I will buy them. I am done."

Last night, was the freakout. I have a stack of books I'm supposed to read. Corrin was looking through possible registry sites after we decided that we don't really want to register at Babies R Us. Then, she started getting a little overwhelmed about having to decide on a stroller, car seat and all that now. She asked for help and asked that I start looking through "Baby Bargains" to find out what we really need. I did. That led to lots of detailed stuff about car seats I hadn't even known existed. The LATCH system. Which car seat fits which car? Huh? They don't ALL fit? You may have to drill a hole in your floorboard. What!? Call a Canadian dealer to find out the part number of this bolt. Are you kidding me? Every review of every seat and stroller has pros/cons that don't seem to really help you sort it out. On top of that, it's not a new book, so good luck finding some of those items. On top of that, we have to find a new apartment to store baby stuff for 3-4 months. Oh, and unrelated, Georgia got shafted by the BCS. My turn to freakout. Bourbon is good.

Where we "R" now.
Researching seats, strollers and non-store-specific registry sites. Researching whether it's possible that someone out there somewhere sells something that isn't made in China. The shower will almost have to be gift cards and whatever little things people give at showers. Crisis averted. Holiday excitement restored. Sugar Bowl enthusiasm in tact. Bourbon empty.

Life: Apartment Hunting in Los Angeles - things you should know

My wife and I are apartment hunting again. This reminds me why I hate looking for a new place to live. Here are a few pet peeves, some from Craigslist/classified services and the rest from the overall rental process.

1. Craigslist posts with generic email addresses (i.e. laishome@inbox.com) and identical photos posted on disparate listings clearly trolling to spam you. I will flag you all day and then come back and flag you again.

2. Posts that are purposefully miscategorized. Don't post in the rental section looking for roommates. Don't post your "lease to own" in the rental section. Don't advertise your foreclosure lists in the rental section.

3. Posts with headlines for a 2BR that turn out to be a 1BR with a den or a "spacious" 1BR. Folks, we know what a bedroom is. It's not the living room.

4. Posts that don't list the street address or at least the nearest cross street. There's no "luxury" anything in Panorama City, which brings me to...

5. The rampant abuse of the English language. I've included a handy decoder, but when in doubt, assume the opposite.
Luxury - having at least two walls and a sink
Deluxe - comes with lettuce, tomato & a trash bin
Lush - a dusty ficus tree circa 1977 in the entryway
Gorgeous - walls have been painted white
Adjacent - when connected to a neighborhood name (i.e. Sherman Oaks-Adjacent), if you close your eyes and imagine as hard as you can, you'll still be 15 minutes from Sherman Oaks
Quiet Building - noisy neighborhood, lots of traffic and vagrants
Charm - a nice looking man died in here 20 years ago
Lavish - the toilet handle is gold-colored and the tile is pink
Reasonable - unreasonable
Lots of Extras - you don't have to pay the lawnmower guy to mow our property and you get your own mailbox!
Renovated/Remodeled - new paint, carpet, we cleaned the mold off the tub, the tile isn't pink anymore or it's even more pink than before!

Empty Coffee Cups

Felt like blogging about a pet peeve of mine. Last night, we watched an episode of "Life". I like Damian Lewis in the lead role, and I've generally enjoyed the first few episodes. However, last night, apart from some huge continuity issues, the specter of my pet peeve raised its ugly head. Ever notice those little coffee cups? Someone has one in virtually every episode of every show or one scene in every movie. Often, they are the paper variety with the plastic lids. Unfortunately, it is frightfully obvious that the cups are completely empty. You can tell by the way the actors hold the cups, pass the cups, gesticulate with the cups. I don't understand this. As many coffee cups as we've all held... If pretending is difficult, then why can't they put water in them to give them weight and a semblance of reality? I understand not wanting to put hot coffee in them, but the water makes a lot of sense.

Welcome to the world of my hyper-critical eye. Still, I hate being jolted out of the experience of the story by something so easily corrected. Anyone else?